Rules for Playdates : Avoid the Playdate from Hell

Rules for Playdates : Avoid the Playdate from Hell 

You hear about them. Heck you may even experience them. The playdates from hell.  Whether it's the sour chemistry between you and the other mom or the behavior of the playmate or the behavior of your own little one.  It's torture and you want out and immediately.  

Playdate rules may seem arbitrary but who cares.  Establish them for yourself and your little one.  There's no need to force a relationship.  Little Johny will have plenty of little friends.  

Rules

1. Only make a playdate with age compatible playmates within 1 year of your child seems appropriate.  Forcing your kid to play with a child 2-3 years younger or older than them is absurd.  They are on different cognitive levels and safety issues could arise. 
2. Do not attend or host a playdate sick or with a sick child- nothing is more inconsiderate.  Stay home.  Contact the other parent.  They will appreciate it.  
3. Do not be afraid to stand up for your child -Do not hesitate to tell another child no or do not touch her/him or she/he does not like it when you do that so please stop.  Teach your child to stand up for him or herself as well. 
4.  NEVER yell or raise your voice at the other playmates but by all means intervene for your child.  This can be especially frustration when the other parent(s) do not act or correct their child's behavior.  Do not wait for them to do the right thing. 
5. Teach your child to take turns- Do not allow your child to hog all the toys or stay on the swing for the duration of the playdate.  Make sure you are teaching them to share and take turns.
6. Engage in conversation (avoid polarizing topics such as politics) If you are not familiar with the parent spark conversation. Use this time to get to know the family and the parent. 
7. Do not let your child touch other playmates- Capitalize on teaching moments as they arise.  When you see your child invade another child's space or touch another child explain to them why we do not do that without permission.   
8. Do not bring along extra playmates on playdate scheduled for your child e.i. siblings, nieces, nephews, or other playmates (unless this has been discussed or you have a personal relationship and understanding with the parent(s))
9. If Playdate is indoors at playmates home, DO offer to bring items for arts and crafts, snacks etc. and if you host the playdate DO have snacks/ drinks for guest.  You don't have to serve a Thanksgiving spread but a small snack is appropriate unless it is a lunch playdate in that case you and the parent should discus arrangements. 
10. If you suspect that your child is uncomfortable around the other child or he/she is aggressive do not hesitate to end the playdate.  At a later date  (outside the presence of the children) explain to the parent that you think his/her child may play too rough for your child at this time.  Unfortunately not all parents are as observant of their child's behavior.  Some may even be aware of their child's aggressive behavior but dismiss it as child's play or are more relaxed in their parenting style. Whatever the reason that makes them a less than ideal playdate.   

Now if you have little to no relationship with the parents these rules will be fairly easy.  However, if you value your relationship with the parents or parent or they are family the situation will need to be handled a little more delicately. 

These are just rules that I have established for myself and my children.  You should tailor rules to fit your child(ren) and what works best for your.  The most important aspects are that you are an advocate for your child and their safety and well being are your responsibility.  Have fun and allow your child to develop social skills by interacting with their peers.  

Cheers,

S