Marriage and The 80/ 20 Rule....

Some of my Facebook friends post pretty interesting subjects and recently I read a post about the 80/20 Rule.

Now most of us have heard of this rule but don't get it confused with the Pareto Principle an economic principle discovered and named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto.


The  80/20 Rule

The 80/20 Rule in relationships simply states that when in a relationship 80% of your needs are met. Now that's a pretty good number considering we are imperfect people.  Now as for that other 20% well those are usually the needs we get caught up on.....

In marriage you are essentially merging two individuals.  There are bound to be issues.  Our spouses see us at our best and worse.  They know our flaws so unlike strangers they see through the mask we have in place. 


I've seen it a dozen times, people in relationships easily distracted by that 20%.  We harp on the 20% and over look the 80%.  No one will meet all of our needs.  It's not possible.  We all know the greener grass theory and yet we fall victim to it. 

In a marriage you may have a spouse that meets your needs physically, financially but is lacking in the emotional support area.  Please don't think this means it's time to trade up because often you end up trading down and the worse part about that is you don't find that out until it's too late.

The 20% Trap

I am a firm believer that the enemy knows exactly what your 20% is....and what happens if you let him trick you? You get the 20% and lose the 80%.  He will send the 20% your way in a nice package that looks awfully tempting.  They look the part, act the part and talk the part, but even salt looks like sugar....

In a time when divorce rates are skyrocketing and people are ending relationships quicker then they'd end a bad phone contract, we should never make monumental decisions based on temporary emotions. 

Now, I 'm not saying every marriage is meant to last.......but if you think well "I'm just not happy".... or "she doesn't do this" or "he doesn't do that" news flash marriage isn't for the faint of heart or the fickle.  No one who has ever been married is, was or will ever be "happy" with their mate all the time....in fact some days you probably won't like them very much but,  love, well love isn't fickle or fair-weather. No, love is patient. 

Avoiding the Trap

A rule that my husband and I have is NEVER invite a third party into your marriage.....not family not love interest or "friends" with the potential to be love interest....NEVER.  If your marriage dissolves well it should never be because you invited that third party in.  See when you do that, you're less likely to make it work because of the third party.  You think you have a backup plan, a 100% waiting in the wings but really you just have the 20% and allowed the enemy to trick you.....he is the master of deception and disguise.

Remember....

In a marriage your spouse will never be perfect and neither will you.  Instead of focusing on their flaws try to be more introspective and do a little self-evaluation you'll see you most likely aren't providing their 20% either....

Cheers,
S.

P.S. Have open dialogue with your spouse. Talk about your needs and don't forget that at one point in time they were exactly what you wanted and prayed for....